So what do you do when you feel you have nothing? You cry, you scream, you stomp your feet around the house like a 8 year old trying to get your way. Unfortunately I was trying to get my way with from a God who had a bigger and better plan for my life. I was just being to stubborn to see it (yes I just admitted I am stubborn, pick your jaw up from the ground and continue on OK?) What was I so mad about? The fact that God had heard our prayers about removing TK from Satan's playground (alright maybe calling it Satan's playground is a bit extreme but I am an extreme person there is no grey area with me.) TK was free, free to find work elsewhere, OH WAIT, that's what I was mad about... TK DID NOT HAVE A JOB!! I tried my hardest to be positive and supportive, but I failed miserably and ended up bitter, really bitter. The next few days after TK's removal from the church were some of the weirdest days of my life. My family was thousands of miles away and all I needed was a hug from my Mama, but I had to settle from a cuddle from Snoop Dog, (at least she is furry and soft.) We had no church or church family to lean on in this time of need because the church um, fired us, (that is so crazy to say! HOW DOES A CHURCH I REPEAT A CHURCH FILLED WITH CHRISTIANS DO THAT??!?!?!?!?!?!?!) We felt alone, very alone. Sure we had friends and extended family close by, but when you feel like you don't have God or your Mom, life is hard. I think God created Moms because they are a lot like him.... There is nothing like the love God can give you just as there is nothing like the love a Mom can give you. I needed love and so did TK, but I sure as heck wasn't giving any love out. Our house was a pretty unpleasant place to be. TK and I were having daily fights about moving out of state. Mr. Adventure was all for it, me, Mrs. Homebody told him to take a hike or just go without me, yep I told him to leave me (WHO DOES THAT??)
TK against my advice was searching for jobs in other states and applied a church far, far away. He only told me about this job after he applied and GOT A PHONE CALL from this church. I could have strangled him in that moment, but I am glad I didn't cause he gave me a super cute kid! HAHA, I crack myself up (hopefully you are laughing too cause I was totally joking about the strangling him part, not the kid part though... Ok back on track.) TK approached the subject with asking me what I though of Arizona. Ironically I had taken a trip to Arizona with my girlfriends a few months back to visit a friend. I told him it was nice but not a place I would like to live. TK had a look on his face that gave away what he was about to say. "Well, a church in Arizona wants to interview me", he said. And I am pretty sure I said, "SAY WHAT? Hell no!" Some how TK translated that statement into scheduling a phone interview with this church for the following week. In my head I knew this job was NOT a right fit and all this would be water under the bridge shortly. So I wasn't giving the possibility of moving to Arizona much thought. THEN the phone interview happened, for real they called TK. I guess all my wishing and praying it away just didn't work. I paced and paced outside the office door while TK was on the phone, pretty sure I wore a groove in the floor from my pacing. My brother happened to be visiting from college that weekend and told me in a very kind way to sit my a-$-$ down and knock off my frantic crazy woman act. He got my be careful what you say look or I will eat your ace off look (you know the look every woman has when a man ticks her off.)
FINALLY after what felt like years, TK emerged from the office. He set the phone down, looked at me and said we are flying to Arizona for an interview. WHAT, WAIT, NO! I asked when? Tk said next weekend. I was in the kitchen and sank down on to the floor with my head between my knees. If I weren't up against the cabinets I think I might have fallen over. My brother came over, put his hand on my shoulder and said it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Just as I picked my head up to shout some kind of hate speech to him I felt myself getting sick. I ran to the bathroom, slammed the door, and made friends with the toilet. In between getting sick I managed to let sobs an screams flow from my chest. I am sure my brother and husband were exchanging glances with each other while playing rock, paper, scissors to see who had to come check on me, but they left me alone (which was good, I needed to get it all out.) I remember at one point telling myself to suck it up and pull it together and get up off the bathroom floor I had forgotten to clean that week. After all we had a super bowl party to get ready for...
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