This thing called life: Part 6

When you pray for God to move you, be specific. I could end this post there, but because it’s Christmas time and I am in a giving mood I will continue on.
I had been praying for God’s will to be shown loud and clear in our lives while we were living a drama filled realty TV show. I asked him to move me, but I MEANT move me in a direction in my life that is pleasing to you, not MOVE ME TO A DIFFERENT STATE! The funny thing I have come to realize, slowly but surely, is that when you ask God to come into your life, you lose all control. This happens to be a problem for a control freak like myself. God and I still fight about this on a daily basis, but MAN OH MAN is he a tenacious God☺
So it happened to be super bowl weekend and TK and I decided that we would invite lots of friends over for a party and assumed only a few would show up, but to our surprise everyone showed up and crammed into our tiny living room while we all ate, drank, and laughed. It was exactly what I needed to fight the sadness I was feeling and I think God knew that. We announced to some friends at the party that we had an interview the following weekend in Arizona for a job. Everyone gave us their best oh that is so cool, good luck faces, but their voices were absent of excitement. Hey I couldn’t blame them I was the least bit excited for this adventure as well. The party started to wind down and one by one our friends left and as each one walked out my front door I felt my heart break into a million pieces. Yes I am a bit of a drama queen, but when I feel an emotion I feel it with my whole body. I honest to God felt like my life was over. My family was gone and now I would be too, leaving behind my friends! What did I have left? NOTHING, at least I thought nothing.
The week preparing for our trip to Arizona was an absolute whirlwind with packing, rearranging my work schedule, finding a Snoop Dog sitter, and crying, and lots of crying. I was a hot mess and TK was trying his hardest to keep me positive, it just wasn’t really working. I don’t remember the car ride or plane ride to Arizona, but I remember when we landed in the desert. It was sunny and there were palm trees next to a cactus! We got off the plane and found our shuttle. I sat next to TK putting on my best this is nice smile. I am not sure if he bought it, but he was oozing nervousness and excitement so I figured I needed to check my emotions to be a good wife. The shuttle ride felt like and eternity that drove us the car rental place where we were appropriately placed with a bright yellow car. We drove through what we would call in the D, the ghetto and I seriously thought to myself why leave one Ghetto to live in another? My attitude was fantastic at this point people. Once we barely escaped the ghetto of Phoenix we arrived in Sun City (yes this is the city’s name) to out hotel where we were greeted by a nice gift basket from the church and phone calls from members welcoming us and expressing their excitement to meet us. WHO were these people? Nobody expressed that much excitement in Michigan unless the Lions won!

TK was whisked off to Thursday night rehearsal for the weekend services where he would be displaying his mad skills. I however sat in the hotel room by myself. I paced, unpacked, cried, repacked determined that’s it I am leaving him because this is not going to be my life, I unpacked telling myself that was the stupidest idea ever, cried some more, took a shower, and than packed again. TK called at the perfect moment, told me he loved me and was on his way back to pick me up to meet with the current worship leader and his wife. Damn, I was trapped. We met at a Starbucks, THANK GOD THE desert had Starbucks (OK we weren’t in the middle of nowhere, but in my mind we might as well have been, feel me?) The couple was nice enough and talked the church up so much that I should have seen a red flag right then and there, but I didn’t.
The rest of the weekend was a blur with lunches, dinners, looking at houses, getting lost, church services, and meeting endless amounts of people. After the last service on Sunday we were handed a check and a job offer. They told us to go home and think about it but the job was ours and waiting for us. Once we decided to move to Arizona, we were to cash the check and get there ASAP, within a MONTH!. EXCUSE ME WHAT? They wanted me to pack up my life and say my goodbyes within ONE MONTH!!! Are you freakin’ crazy? Yep they were crazy because that is exactly what we did.

This Thing Called Life: Part 5

So what do you do when you feel you have nothing? You cry, you scream, you stomp your feet around the house like a 8 year old trying to get your way. Unfortunately I was trying to get my way with from a God who had a bigger and better plan for my life. I was just being to stubborn to see it (yes I just admitted I am stubborn, pick your jaw up from the ground and continue on OK?) What was I so mad about? The fact that God had heard our prayers about removing TK from Satan's playground (alright maybe calling it Satan's playground is a bit extreme but I am an extreme person there is no grey area with me.) TK was free, free to find work elsewhere, OH WAIT, that's what I was mad about... TK DID NOT HAVE A JOB!! I tried my hardest to be positive and supportive, but I failed miserably and ended up bitter, really bitter. The next few days after TK's removal from the church were some of the weirdest days of my life. My family was thousands of miles away and all I needed was a hug from my Mama, but I had to settle from a cuddle from Snoop Dog, (at least she is furry and soft.) We had no church or church family to lean on in this time of need because the church um, fired us, (that is so crazy to say! HOW DOES A CHURCH I REPEAT A CHURCH FILLED WITH CHRISTIANS DO THAT??!?!?!?!?!?!?!) We felt alone, very alone. Sure we had friends and extended family close by, but when you feel like you don't have God or your Mom, life is hard. I think God created Moms because they are a lot like him.... There is nothing like the love God can give you just as there is nothing like the love a Mom can give you. I needed love and so did TK, but I sure as heck wasn't giving any love out. Our house was a pretty unpleasant place to be. TK and I were having daily fights about moving out of state. Mr. Adventure was all for it, me, Mrs. Homebody told him to take a hike or just go without me, yep I told him to leave me (WHO DOES THAT??)
TK against my advice was searching for jobs in other states and applied a church far, far away. He only told me about this job after he applied and GOT A PHONE CALL from this church. I could have strangled him in that moment, but I am glad I didn't cause he gave me a super cute kid! HAHA, I crack myself up (hopefully you are laughing too cause I was totally joking about the strangling him part, not the kid part though... Ok back on track.) TK approached the subject with asking me what I though of Arizona. Ironically I had taken a trip to Arizona with my girlfriends a few months back to visit a friend. I told him it was nice but not a place I would like to live. TK had a look on his face that gave away what he was about to say. "Well, a church in Arizona wants to interview me", he said. And I am pretty sure I said, "SAY WHAT? Hell no!" Some how TK translated that statement into scheduling a phone interview with this church for the following week. In my head I knew this job was NOT a right fit and all this would be water under the bridge shortly. So I wasn't giving the possibility of moving to Arizona much thought. THEN the phone interview happened, for real they called TK. I guess all my wishing and praying it away just didn't work. I paced and paced outside the office door while TK was on the phone, pretty sure I wore a groove in the floor from my pacing. My brother happened to be visiting from college that weekend and told me in a very kind way to sit my a-$-$ down and knock off my frantic crazy woman act. He got my be careful what you say look or I will eat your ace off look (you know the look every woman has when a man ticks her off.)
FINALLY after what felt like years, TK emerged from the office. He set the phone down, looked at me and said we are flying to Arizona for an interview. WHAT, WAIT, NO! I asked when? Tk said next weekend. I was in the kitchen and sank down on to the floor with my head between my knees. If I weren't up against the cabinets I think I might have fallen over. My brother came over, put his hand on my shoulder and said it wasn't the worst thing that could happen. Just as I picked my head up to shout some kind of hate speech to him I felt myself getting sick. I ran to the bathroom, slammed the door, and made friends with the toilet. In between getting sick I managed to let sobs an screams flow from my chest. I am sure my brother and husband were exchanging glances with each other while playing rock, paper, scissors to see who had to come check on me, but they left me alone (which was good, I needed to get it all out.) I remember at one point telling myself to suck it up and pull it together and get up off the bathroom floor I had forgotten to clean that week. After all we had a super bowl party to get ready for...

This thing called life: Part 4

TK and Bubba are sleeping and as much as I wish I were too I am finishing up some work. The house is quiet, the rest of family is gone and the dogs have found a resting place on my cold feet. I long for moments like this. I have managed to drink a cup of coffee at a leisurely place without any being spilled on the carpet or my shirt, no one is barking orders or yelling at the beasts that takes place at my front door (AKA the 4 dogs.) I miss quiet moments that are all my own, they are good for my soul and my sanity. So I guess I will take advantage of this moment and continue forth with my story.

December of 2007 was a month I would gladly like to erase from the books. My family was gone and TK was working in a place that started to resemble Hell, well for us it did. TK would come home so beaten up that it would infuriate me to the point that I would start yelling, unfortunately yelling at TK. I was not rising above the situation with our church like I should have, instead I was right there with everyone who was causing the hurt, playing on their level.

Christmas Eve rolled around and after Tk played the service at church we went to dinner at a favorite local restaurant of ours, it was good but depressing for me. I do not even remember Christmas day but I am sure I was a pleasure to be around. At this point Tk was playing in a funk band to make side money to support us, so New Year’s was spent in a bar while Tk counted down to 2008 on a stage, while I was among drunk people spilling beer on me. He blew me a kiss at midnight and I prayed for the night to end quickly. Soon after all the Holiday hustle was over TK was FIRED abruptly! I mean yes we in hind sight we knew it was coming, we just had hoped it would have happened in a different way. They treated him like a criminal throughout the exiting process. We had done everything that was asked of us and felt like puppets on a tangled string with a master who left us for the dogs. We asked questions, but received no answer, we begged for helped and we were actual laughed at by certain to remain unnamed staff members. All we had left to do was pray for a way out. Part of me was relieved that TK would be out of the horrible situation, while the other part of me went straight to panic mode. I remember yelling in my car to God asking for help in one breath and cursing his name and that church in the next. WE HAD GIVEN THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANTED, and they put us out like tomorrow’s trash. My husband was broken and felt betrayed. He over the course of his time with church became close friends with the Pastor, I babysat their kids, we had dinner together, and than one day they were done with us and wanted us out as quickly as possible. We honestly, I am not just saying this, we honestly couldn’t figure out what happened. So here we are again, jobless and this time unemployment was not an option. TK had to beg basically to the point of threaten, to get some kind of severance, and even that was a joke. Scramble mode began quickly in my house and TK’s only option was to look for work outside of Michigan. I firmly put my foot down and shook my head NO, but in my heart I knew it might be our only answer. Again my mind immediately went to moving to Florida to be with my family, but as I would soon find out TK had other plans.

The coward, excuse me, I mean Pastor sent two members of the leadership team over to our home to collect belongings of the church’s (TK ran a lot of the day to day functions out of our home since the church did not have an office.) The guys were told lies I am sure of what happened and TK was trying to save face giving his side of the story. The poor men were bombarded with this task that the Pastor should have been man enough to do himself. I remember begging TK to stop yelling as I cried uncontrollably. I could see the look of pity in the faces of these men and I wanted them out of my home. I didn’t want their pity, I wanted revenge, but I knew it wasn’t right, so I kept my mouth shut for the most part. I still wish I could take back an unnecessary comment of mine, and I hope by now this person has forgiven me for being a rude mess that night.
After all things church were cleared from our home and TK’s belongings were collected from the church building, we sat on opposite ends of the couch with the fear of now what? I called to inform my parent’s of the latest news and they promised to help us. But how? They were struggling just as much as we were. I felt hopeless, completely and utterly hopeless. How had we as a family gotten to this point? I prayed for God to come and swoop us up in his arms, to move me, to show me a sign it would be OK. I also did a whole lot of yelling at God while I begged him to show this church what they were doing to people. I thought of getting even, like standing out in the parking lot offering our story for all who wanted to hear, I wanted to send emails, I thought about keying the Pastor’s car (real mature stuff I know), and the list goes on. I was hurt, and what made it worse was so was my husband AND YOU DON’T MESS with my family. So I did what any over protective woman would do, I prayed his (the Pastor’s) day would come and he would feel ever ounce of emotion we did.